Monday, May 28, 2007

happy birthday.

dear AntsyPants.

He wasn't born until the afternoon, but I thought I'd get a head start. Those of you who know his blog persona, please do write him some good wishes. The last year has been rough. Let's hope this year will be a shitload better.

Thanks for the love.

Friday, May 25, 2007

ryan reynolds

This one's for you, Ben. Oh, yeah. This one's for you.

If you can find it.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

please forgive . . .

. . . the pity-party posts as of late.

Unfortunately, they do reflect my state of mind these days.

I really could do better to forge a happier helmet to wear during these particular days of reckoning. But such fortitude isn't really my way.

Better to wallow, so I clearly say.

Or, is it?

I'm thinking that I truly am a follower of illogical perspectives on relationships. That is, if tenure is my boyfriend, I'm driven to believe he doesn't want me, so I'll do anything I can to make that perception a reality. Reject him before he rejects me. Make our communion impossible before he does.

How can I let him know how hard I've worked for him when I feel thoroughly compelled to make him believe that I never cared about him from the beginning?

"going up?" "going down."

She was an exceptional graduate student, though she published only two book reviews before graduating.

She never thought she'd get a job at a research university, but she did.

She always said she'd never leave school without finishing her dissertation, though life had other plans for her.

She thought search committees would find her "silly," but they didn't.

She knew that her work--and her colleagues'--deserved more attention than it received, though she tired of searching for such sites that would afford such recognition.

She was hired to help develop a curriculum in her area of expertise, but her devotion to such development hindered her ability to publish.

She published essays and produced "creative activity," except she doesn't believe that reviewers appreciate her/the work of the field.

She built a place for her colleagues to publish their undervalued work, though this place doesn't help her advance her own.

She's going up for tenure this year, but all she hears in her paranoid head are her senior colleagues saying, "You're going down."