sometimes they come back

Unfortunately, some of my colleagues haven't learned that lesson yet.

And I, I haven't learned how best to deal with the return.

Since I've been at my institution, I have been on far too many Master's committees for students who had no business being in graduate school, let alone earning a graduate degree. They obtained a spot in the program via the Grad Director's adherence to the logic of "If we don't fill all these spots this year, we'll lose spots next year." No matter the crap GPAs, disturbing GRE scores, and three-sentenced "recommendation" letters. We need buns in chairs! So we accept them. But not with funding, of course.

And they take classes. And despite their embarrassing performance in these classes, professors reward them with grades that rarely fall below a "B+"--because, hey, "we" accepted them into "our" program, so we can't be too critical of them! And, really, a "B+" is pretty bad for graduate school. Like, who doesn't get a 4.0 in grad school?

And they finish their first year without falling into the Land of Academic Probation. And they've heard from everyone they know that, even if one isn't awarded funding upon acceptance, one merely needs to ask for funding after their first year and funding they shall be given. So, in my 5.5 years at this institution, I can't think of a single case in which one of these special students was denied some form of funding after their first year. (One particularly special student--who announced in a seminar I taught, "I don't know what a fucking 'thesis statement' is. I went to X College!"--was hired by the English Department to teach composition.)

And they finish their coursework without losing eligibility. Because professors continue to give them better grades than they deserve. And our department has "no mechanism to remove them from the program" (unlike the institutions I'm familiar with that have 2nd semester reviews for Master's students which result in a verdict of "Right-o! Carry on!" or "Let's not waste anymore of our time or your money, shall we?"). Then they take their comprehensive exams. And their committee reads them. And they're terrible. Then we meet for the defense.

And the committee chair says, "I know. These are terrible. Let's just ask for some clarification on these few points. Then I say, forget it. Let's just give a Pass. There's nothing more we can do. Besides, what harm will come from giving this person an MA?" Then the committee--including myself in my early years here--says, "Ehh, nothin'. You're right. I wouldn't want to deal with this student anymore anyway." So the special student is bestowed an MA.

And the faculty is relieved to be rid of said student. And a few months pass. Then the committee members get an email. It's from the now-former student and it is a request. "I'm applying for a teaching position at Soandso Community College. Would you please write me a recommendation letter?" Or, a year passes, and the committee gets a different email. "I'm applying for PhD programs [including our own]. Would you please write me letters of recommendation?" And these professors, these evaluators, these judges, these arbiters of higher education are confronted with the fact that THEY are responsible for these special students' self-misperceptions. And they must, simply MUST, fulfill their obligation to these students.

The question is, how?