"it's in the abyss"

That's what a faculty mentor used to say to me when I'd send off applications for jobs during the last year of my doctoral studies. In other words, there's no point in thinking--let alone worrying--about your application now. It's gone. It can't be changed. It's in their hands. It's all over. There's nothing you can do now.

Sound advice. But I've never been able to heed it.

This past Friday, I met with my Chair and we sent off my "packets" to my external reviewers for tenure. During the New Faculty Orientation given when I first arrived here, the Dean of my College gave this sage advice: "When you're approaching Tenure Review, ask one of your senior colleagues if you can look at their package. He'll surely let you look at his package if you just ask him. Looking at his package can mean the difference between having a job here and not."

Of course, during this particular portion of the presentation, I snorted in futile attempts to stifle my laughter over asking my male colleagues (cuz the Dean used the gendered universal pronoun) to look at their "packages." And now I know that it wouldn't have helped anyway.

My senior male colleagues's packages look nothing like my own. My package will never look like theirs. Their packages have never been a help to me at all--and I resent the implication that they would.